Monday, February 21, 2022

Looking In The Mirror, 2022- Chapter 2

 


We worked on one of my favorite assignments in our classes last week. Back in October, one of our written memory verses was James 1:22-24:
"Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.''
We discussed the meaning and I brought up that Mom, in her late stages of Alzheimer's, did not recognize her own image. I told the kids that sometimes at the end of the day, I look at myself in the mirror, and don't always like what I see. I talked about Paul's reference to mirrors in 1st Corinthians 13:12 and read examples from my students of ten years ago. The kids finished this statement: 'When I look in the mirror, I see....' Every student was allowed complete confidentiality. My students were very honest. Over the next few nights, I'll run some of the responses of those who wanted to share.  Some will choke you up. All are used by permission and are a combination of middle and high school students  Boys are in blue and girls are in pink.

When I look in the mirror I see the girl who wears the blank face. The girl who struggles to be vulnerable, the girl who restricts herself from others in fear of rejection, resisting the urge to just delete that last sentence and filter herself, and her true raw thoughts, and identity. When I see her talk, everything she says feels like a cover, a projection of who she thinks you would find acceptable. A projection designed to keep others out, and the blank face at power. I see the girl who has played the part for so long it comes natural, but she never forgets who she is. I see the girl in the mirror who has been burned so many times she struggles to trust, to open up. The girl who just doesn't see the point in being vulnerable to inevitably be rejected for who she is. I see the girl who longs to be free from these standards forced upon her, what others think she must do to be acceptable. She longs to just be herself, but she just simply says wrong place, wrong time and keeps and wearing the blank face. Others worry, beg her to take off the mask, but she simply shrugs it off and reassures them, they're the reason she wears it in the first place. She'd rather keep up the act, than risk the regret that may come. When I look in the mirror I see an actor, who is forced to wear a blank face, play the role people want her to play. "The girl" others see isn't "The girl" but just a mask .. and she would like to keep it that way..... Wear the blank face until you're free.

When I look in the mirror I see someone who tries. Someone who tries and tries but ends up failing in the end. Someone who attempts, but just can't seem to win. Someone who has something to prove and needs to prove it to everybody. Someone who still sees himself as what he used to be and lowers his confidence by constantly over thinking. The man in the mirror is not someone who can moonwalk, but someone who worries himself and causes distress by always thinking of "what-ifs" and how anything and everything could go wrong. A man who needs to focus, a man who needs to practice what he preaches. A man who is capable of fixing what he needs to, but somehow never prevails and ends up slacking. I see someone who is lazy and is usually slacking on his work. Someone who is completely able, who is smart enough, but cannot apply himself. That's what I see when I look at the man in the mirror.

 

When I look in the mirror, I see a girl with potential-- potential in sports, academics, and life. I see a girl who knows if she puts in the work she will succeed, but procrastinates and postpones work to do "tomorrow". I see a girl who tries to make others smile and feel loved, a girl that wants to be a shoulder to cry on, and a girl who would do anything for the people she loves. If there was one thing that defines this girl, it would be the Golden Rule. I see a girl goes out of her way to be the friend everyone needs, but at the same time, I see a girl that won't go out of her way to study hard enough for school. I see a girl who values making memories and having fun with friends over preparing for the rest of her life. I see a girl that wants the romantic high school life that her friends have, but she rejects that idea for and of herself. Still, I see a girl that's anxious about the future and scared to decide on a job. I see a girl that wants too many things in life and refuses to choose. I see a girl that is determined to make a living from the activities she loves. I see a girl that can, but won't. I don't know why she won't, but I'm making her. I want her to succeed. I want her to be happy. I want her to live a life without regrets. I want her to get a good job she enjoys so she can accomplish her dreams. I want nothing but the best for her, so I'm going to be the girl that gives it to her.

When I look in the mirror I see someone who is gradually getting better over time. I see somebody who looks for the challenge in life. I see a future doctor that loves to help people. But when I’m away from the mirror, I become somebody who is tired. Somebody who wishes his life was better. Somebody wishes they could be more outgoing. Someone who doesn't fit where they belong no matter the puzzle piece. I am somebody who throws a brick at anyone who gets close because of past experiences. Somebody who never satisfied. Somebody who puts too much effort into people. But at least I know that he who looks back at me in the mirror will always be there with me.

When I look to see my reflection I see a girl who strives to look perfect. Every night before she goes to bed, she spends at least 5 minutes looking at herself pointing out her imperfections. When I look into the mirror I see a girl who questions her every action and asks if it will satisfy the people around her. She always puts others before herself and never has time to think of what SHE wants.I also see a girl with the perfect image of her dad but the mother wants the girl to reflect in her image. But way back in that mirror that's on the verge of cracking, there's still a little girl in spirit who wants to run around free. There's also a girl who has so many talents she can't chose which one to finalize. That girl is surrounded by so many people who support her but sometimes she doesn't notice.

When I look in the mirror I see a boy that's mind is wandering, wandering on random ideas that he has but can't do them because he is lazy. In the mirror I see a boy that is hidden in the background, a quiet kid, in the shadows, that dreams. I see a boy that just wants to know more and more, always curious about how things work, wondering, discovering, dreaming. I see a boy that wanting to build, design, create, to satisfy his curiosity, make his dreams come true, and when they do, he starts it all over again, dreaming, wondering, discovering, building, designing, and creating. Always the same thing over and over again. Doesn't know anything else to do except the same thing over and over again, the same, the same.

Applicable quote of the day:
"The ravaged face in the mirror hides the enchanting youth that is the real me."
Mason Cooley

God bless,
Steve
Luke 18:1

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