The Graying Of America

I
received a Facebook message from one of my favorite former students
today. His mom has Alzheimer's and his father is suffering because of
it. With my mother's situation, I know what that family has endured. I
wrote this on January 26, 2006.
We
live in an aging population. Half of news broadcasts contain stories on
Medicare or Social Security funding. Daily I see the effects of getting
older. I live in a complex defined as a senior apartment community.
A certain percentage of the leasers must retirement age. One of our
faculty last spring was denied in her application because, due to the
current age makeup of the population, she was too young- you know women
love that! There are advantages to living here. The maintenance staff is
wonderful and fast. Some problems, like air conditioner breakdowns,
could become life or death for some of the aged. It is also VERY QUIET!
Some of the amenities don't apply to me- bus rides to the grocery store
or weekend bingo games in the clubroom. What bothers me is watching the
aging process devastate my neighbors. Wheelchairs and walkers are
standard equipment at the community mailbox. Oxygen carts accompany some
residents wherever they go. One of my favorites is Louise. Every time I
pass her apartment, the door is open and she calls out my name. I
passed her apartment last week and for the first time, her greeting was
muted and disconsolate. I backtracked and checked on her. In my eight
years in Houston, Louise has never been less than feisty. She told me of
unrelenting pain. There is nothing that can be done for her condition, a
growth on the esophagus that curtails swallowing. I asked her age and
found out she is eighty-four. Louise told me she is resigned to life in a
nursing home even though her mind is sharp. I left with a feeling of
profound sadness.
At age twenty-seven, Paul Simon wrote and sang
an odd song with his partner, Art Garfunkel. We didn't have many records
so we played this one to death, etching haunting words in my memory
vault. (Shoutout to Dave for helping shape my musical tastes!) The album
was Bookends, the song was Old Friends:
Old friends, old friends
Sat on the park bench like bookends.
Can you imagine us years from today
Sharing a park bench quietly?
How terribly strange to be seventy.
Old friends,
Memory brushes the same years,
Silently sharing the same fears.
I
wonder if Simon's perspective has changed in the thirty-eight years
since he penned those lyrics? I observe the elderly and discuss the
reality of aging with my students. Today, I had my sophomores write in
class. Two paragraphs were required; What I Would Enjoy About Being Old
and What I Fear About Being Old. The standard of old we used
was between seventy-five and eighty years. The second paragraph for most
was longer than the first and it seems girls look forward to retirement
more than boys. I would guess their views are colored, by their
relationships with grandparents. Enjoying life with family was included
in the paragraphs of positives along with travel and relaxation. Death,
disease, loss of independence, and loneliness were fears associated with
their distant future. I was surprised not to see more mentions of
financial insecurity and senility. The kids did a very good job. They
can be wonderfully reflective when given the opportunity.
Several
days ago, I received an e-mail from my first cousin, Marsha. Her dad's
aunt just died as well as another first cousin's father-in-law. At our
Chesshir reunion this summer, it became obvious the torch is being
passed to the next generation. I don't feel prepared to accept. So many
memories flood back during get-togethers on our grandparents' peach farm
outside Nashville, Arkansas. Like my siblings and cousins, it's where I
grew up, even if we only were present one week per year. I never knew
Grandmother- she died young and I think Mom, in spite of Alzheimer's,
still misses and mourns her. Grandpa was a classic, a true Southern
gentleman. He was outwardly different than my mom but I can tell by the
way she turned out that he was a terrific father. (Dittoes for the
finished products of Aunts Evelyn /Jerry and Uncle Bill!) I was eighteen
the last time I saw Grandpa. At Christmas my freshman year in college, I
spent several days with him. He'd moved into town and it just wasn't
the same as seeing him in his element, the farm. It hit me- he was old.
That's tough for a teenager to come to grips with. I went through a
Jerry Jeff Walker stage in college. Although I could never endorse his
hard-drinking lifestyle, his songs choke me up. My favorite is Desperadoes Waitin' For A Train, penned by Guy Clark. One verse in particular IS my last memory of my Grandpa Chesshir:
One day I looked up, he was pushing eighty.
He got brown tobacco stains all down his chin.
To me, he's one of the heroes of this country,
So why's he all dressed up like them old men?
Both
my grandfathers did what I will do, Lord willing, and that is grow old.
I don't like to think about it. The scriptures never make false
promises about our earthly bodies. Our flesh deteriorates even while
there remains a beating heart and breathing lungs. But, we are also
promised rewards for a productive life in the service of God: wisdom,
honor that comes with silver hair, rest from labors, and a new home in a
far away place! What could be more exciting than a retirement home with
no wheel chair ramps or nurses on call? I am no prophet but I would
guess there is no AARP in heaven. No need of senior discounts or
prescription drug plans! And no more sad songs to make me cry!
Applicable quote of the day:
"To me, old age is always ten years older than I am."
Andre B. Buruch
To listen to Old Friends, click or copy-paste the link below:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snVOxz6fjbA
God bless,
Steve (#2 chronological grandson of Jord and Ruth McClure Chesshir)
Luke 18:1