Dad died in April of 2008. The following was written shortly after his passing. It is from October 5, 2008.
I have found myself missing Dad quite a bit lately. It hit me that it is only ten days from the sixth month anniversary of his death. I find myself playing a song by Jerry Jeff Walker (Desperadoes Waiting For A Train) on you-tube because it talks about the passing of an old man. ("The day before he died, I went to see him. I was grown and he was almost gone.") This morning as I led our Chinese congregation in communion, I mentioned my sadness, mixed in with the happiness of the memories of Dad, comparing those feelings to Jesus' directive that the purpose of the Lord's Supper was to remember him. During the sermon, Linda handed me a note. Linda and her husband, Buddy, are wonderful Christians who also work in our Chinese ministry. Several years ago, their daughter was murdered, a pain for parents I doubt most can ever fathom. Here is the note Linda wrote to me, shared with her blessing:
"Steve, you mentioned memories of your father and the sadness. The following is just one of the many memories that I have and I become sad over the loss of her beautiful soul and presence. When Natalie was a teenager, I went to visit her at her job. She was very busy polishing the brass rails at the pizza shop. She was so proud of the fact that the rails shined so beautifully. Natalies's little hands and fingernails were dirty and rough looking. So, now when I see brass rails, I think of Natalie and how hard she worked and the pride that she took in perfection."
I thanked Linda for the right word at the right time. My pain is that of a son who lost an elderly father. Hers is the pain of a mother who lost her child decades too early. Imagine what our Father in heaven felt as His son went to the cross for us. I know He felt Linda and Buddy's grief and carried them through the worst time in their lives. He hasn't forgotten how it feels.
Applicable quote of the day:
"Take care of all your memories. For you cannot relive them.”
Bob Dylan
God bless,
Steve
Luke 18:1
www.hawleybooks.com
E-mail me at steve@hawleybooks.com
2 comments:
Hi Coach Hawley! This is Giselle! I first came to your blog page to print out the husband/wife requirements from your classes, but then I just deciced to read your blog from yesterday. My dad's oldest sister, Cassandra died last year due to lung cancer. It was a very hard time for our family because we loved her very much. Even though it's been a year my dad still cries and chokes on words when he hears certain songs on the radio or mentions her in his sermons (yes, he's a pastor). Though I can't relate to you, him, or Mrs. Linda becasue I've never really lost someone that was very close to me, I still can't even imgaine how it would feel to lose someone that was very important to you.
steve,
this is what i was saying to you when your dad died. while his passing was hurtful at the time and you were able to rejoice for him in being able to go Home to be with our Father, that as time passed moments would come that would bring his absence to you and tears to your eyes. i remember that so much with my dad but even more so with my grandparents - they were my 'rock' in a very unstable life. a teen when my grandmother died, i didn't think i could survive without her. years later when my grandfather died, i was able to appreciate that he was no longer in pain, but still, to this day (30 plus years) there are moments when i can be brought to tears by the memory of something that i miss so much about not only him, but also my grandmother.
there are so many songs we sing at church that rejoice in the fact that our loved ones are waiting for us on the other side - i know this is true of your dad.
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