Fame And Folly

 Fame And Folly

With the current state of social media, indiscretions can last forever on the Internet! This is about one of them, from May 4, 2013.
Reese Witherspoon was in the news this week and I called it to my students' attention. When her husband was stopped on suspicion of drunk driving last Friday, Ms. Witherspoon allegedly ignored the orders of the policeman and got out of the car. She asked the officer if he knew her name and he said her name didn't matter. The actress countered with,
 "You're about to find out who I am ... You are going to be on national news."
Well, unfortunately she was right as she was arrested for disorderly conduct. She has since apologized profusely and had admitted to being deeply embarrassed by her behavior. I made the point to the kids that that's what an excess of alcohol does to you. Many movie fans hold Ms. Witherspoon in high regard and she probably did the best she could in damage control; and by all accounts, was sincere in her apologies. With another new video of the incident made public today, it will be quite awhile before the lady who admirably played June Carter Cash in Walk The Line lives this one down.

Last Saturday afternoon, I was lifting weights at Chancellor's, my fitness club. Twice within several minutes, I heard exercisers congratulate a man who, like me, is also a regular. I was curious so I asked Cindy, the manager, if she knew the reason for these expressions of admiration. She told me the identity of the man who was the object of the praise. It had just been announced that he was the recipient of yet another journalistic award for television excellence. I recognized the name but I had never attached it to the face. A Google check of his name revealed he has won many such tributes. I've lifted at the same time with him for two years but his line of work never came up. When we talk, it's been about his dad, a retired high school basketball coach, or some lifting technique or my going on a mission to Vietnam. This is what impressed me: he's never made a big deal of who he is and in Houston, he's a big deal. I just thought he's a well-spoken nice guy who knows everybody and comes across as being kind to others. Some folks don't need a public relations firm to create an image. 

Recently, I've shown film clips to my students highlighting the mass of humanity surrounding Jesus. In one, the Savior is coming into Jericho where he meets Zacchaeus up in a tree. In the other, Jesus is coming into Jerusalem on what is usually called Palm Sunday. The point I tried to make concerned the crush of the crowds and the number of people who were trying to get close to and even touch Jesus. I asked them what it would be like to be in the inner circle of Peter/James/John and the rush of adrenaline that would accompany being in proximity to the Son of God as His popularity peaked...and how that might affect them. In my third period class, I asked Charles/Clay/Nathan what it would be like to hang out in public for a day with Dwayne Wade/Michael Phelps/Tom Brady. You might have guessed those three compete in basketball/swimming/football for our school and all are excellent athletes. Unanimously, they agreed it would be a chance of a lifetime to hang around with these sports superstars. And we talked about how it would be difficult for it not to alter the way they look at themselves. Maybe that's why James and John wanted to be VP and Secretary of State when Jesus unveiled the kingdom they knew He was preparing. Or why the apostles as a group were indignant when parents brought their toddlers to Jesus for a blessing. Or why John tried to stop a man who was casting out demons in the name of Jesus because, "he is not one of us.” Let me give you a great example of how to handle the spotlight. Our WCS football coach won the Heisman Trophy and our students don't make a big deal of him. Do you know why? Because he doesn't make a big deal of himself. Any glow we give off, and we are told we are lights of the world, should be to glorify our Heavenly Father and His Son. We carry His name as believers. That may not get us on TMZ...but is should keep us off TMZ. Reese taught us all a valuable lesson, and herself a tough one, concurrently.

Applicable quote of the day, # 1:

"Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful."
John Wooden

Applicable quote of the day, # 1:
"Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident, and riches take wings. Only one thing endures and that is character."

Horace Greeley

God bless,
Steve
Luke 18:1

I Could Care Less

 I Could Care Less

I may be the most careless person I know. SO FAR, it has not caused me any catastrophic problems but there is always that risk. The following is about one of my many struggles relating to my keys. It is from November 8, 2006.

Today began with my normal routine. I got out of bed at 4:15 AM, ate my oatmeal with strawberry jelly, drank three cups of coffee, read from my One Year Bible, did twenty minutes on the Gazelle machine, and started to head out the door to lift weights at school. As I did, I encountered a problem- my keys were nowhere in sight. Since I was inside my apartment that had previously been locked, I knew the keys had been in my possession when I arrived home last evening. I tore the place up to no avail. As a last resort, I opened my front door, and there they were, hanging from the lock. My keys spent ten hours in plain sight. There is no telling who might have walked down the hall in the six hundred minutes they were exposed for the world to see. I breathed a prayer of thanksgiving and headed into the dark to battle the weights.

I constantly preach to my students the dangers of carelessness, prefacing my scolding with the reminder that I am more careless than anyone sitting in my classroom or playing on my basketball team. Last night/this morning, I dodged a bullet. Let's look at what COULD HAVE HAPPENED. Someone might have broken into my apartment. Someone might have stolen my car; it would be easy to match up the number on my door with the number on my assigned parking space. A glance inside my Toyota would have revealed my Westbury Christian School faculty parking permit, disclosing my place of employment. The keys to the main doors of WCS are on that key chain so by a short process of elimination, an intruder could have gained entrance into our school. My room key opens half the classrooms, giving access to a large number of computers as well as audio-visual equipment. My keys could also open our football and girls' basketball locker rooms, exposing thousands upon thousands of dollars of equipment and uniforms to theft. I could go on: possible harm to myself from an invader, the use of my car in the commission of crimes, vandalism inside our school. You get the picture. The smallest mistake could have had disastrous consequences. So many of the problems we face start just like; a small act of carelessness can lead to painful, and seemingly unrelated, conclusions. It might be something we blurt out without considering the impact of the words. Maybe it's a thought that lingers or a look of disinterest at a critical time. Little things we do can loop into increasingly large orbits circling the lives of our family and friends, teammates and classmates, co-workers and neighbors. Sometimes the stray bullet flies harmlessly out into space as it did for me the past twenty-four hours. Sometimes there is a cost for our careless deeds. I lived to mess up another day.


Applicable quote of the day:
"Nature abhors a vacuum and if I can only walk with sufficient carelessness, I am sure to be filled."
Henry David Thoreau

God bless,
Steve
Luke 18:1

The Birds, The Bees, And A Boy's Mother

 The Birds, The Bees, And A Boy's Mother

I was pretty naive growing up. Some might say that condition still exists! This is from March 4, 2013.

Earlier today, I checked FACEBOOK and found a message from one of my favorite high school basketball players ever, Erin Vaughn Parchman. And I quote:
Happy Belated Birthday, Coach! I thought of you today...I heard on the radio that Jewel Akens died, the man who sang "The Birds & the Bees"! I can just hear you singing that in class at the top of your voice. =)
Let me make several points here. First, I was unaware that Jewel Akens had indeed passed away last Friday- I appreciate Erin bringing that to my attention. And secondly, in spite of Erin, who was a terrific student, and her memory, I have no recollection of singing The Birds and the Bees at the top of my voice in class! (Maybe in a soft voice!) But, it was a wonderful song from a much simpler time. I love the YouTube clip at the top with the go-go dancers. Suggestive then and suggestive now are two different suggestives! 

I remember how I came to hear the birds and bees talk, given inimitably by the one and only Dr. Roger Hawley. (Well, he wasn't a doctor yet but he would be in several years.) We lived on the edge of town in York, Nebraska and one day, our cat, Charcoal, was surrounded by kittens. I asked Dad where these baby cats came from and he told me Charcoal had kittens. In my third grade logic, I replied,
"No, Dad. Charcoal doesn't have a husband."
The speech followed shortly and life has never been the same.
 
I wish it were that simple but we all know it isn't. I was listening to a Houston sports radio talk show on Saturday and I heard two former professional athletes mention incidents in which mothers of teenage girls seemed to brazenly encourage their daughters' sexuality. (The athletes were in no way defending the parents and were appalled by the situations.) It's a tough world when it comes to kids and morals and purity. Last week, Casey Farris, our WCS middle school administrator, shared the following with us. It needs no commentary but plenty of people to read it would be a good start.

Raising a Pure Son In a Sex-Crazed World

I knock on his door and find him at his desk folding paper. He’s an origami master, turning a square piece of yellow paper into a swan who dips her neck at his will. His desk resembles a paper zoo.

I crawl up on his platform bed and get comfortable.

“Mom, you’re not going to try and get me to talk about my feelings are you?” He knows me well.

I swallow a smile and a bit of mom guilt and I tell him I worry.

He gives me a sheepish grin because he is his mother’s son.

“I know,” he says.

We talk about our fears, taking turns. After awhile, I know he’s glad I’m curled on his bed.

I watch this nearly 11 year old boy who is changing before my eyes. We skipped Super Bowl commercials because he has started to notice things now. We limit video games, we filter computer time, we try to monitor every image he puts in his mind.

We hold at bay the very world that seeks to sling mud on that white canvas. From magazine covers at the grocery store to too short skirts at church, it’s a minefield for a young mind in our highly sexualized culture.

Thankfully, he’s mostly unaware of what lurks behind a click or cover, but I wonder how long we can protect him from this raging enemy. Pornography used to be a taboo word, but it’s snuck its way into mainstream living and not only do countless people struggle with its entrapment, many people in our culture consider it a normal, experimental right of passage or something used to rev up a marriage.

My son has a Daddy who struggled in this area as a teen and later as a man, and I’m thankful he’s vigilant and not afraid to talk about hard things with his boy. Last week, my husband dug out Passport2Purity and I saw the book tucked under his arm on his way out the door. I see a weekend camp out in their future.

But what’s a boy's  mom to do?

I know how to talk to my daughters about purity and their hunger for screen time (TV, computers, video games) is mild. In the last few years, I’ve educated myself on how men think, but getting into my little boy’s mind is a lot harder. I asked a friend of mine with four boys what she did about all this: “I make sure they take quick showers.” That’s not enough for me.

Here are 10 things I’m doing as a mother to a boy to fight against the triple threat of porn, aggressive girls, and ultimately premarital sex:

1.    I’m reading. A lot. Currently open next to my bed: Six Ways to Keep the “Good” in Your Boy: Guiding Your Son from His Tweens to His Teens , I’ll share more books on my shelf this week.

2.    I’m trying to connect with him. I want to know his friends, his concerns, his dreams, his first crush (gross, mom). And I’m learning that it’s not all in the asking. It’s mostly in the listening.

3.    I’m turning off the screens and pushing books. Did you know that today on average, boys spend 35 hours a week in front of a screen? We have always limited screen time, but I’m militant about monitoring this part of our lives. And before he turns on a screen, he knows I’m going to ask what he’s read for the day. He just finished The Hobbit!

4.    I’m sending him outside to play during idle time. Boys need this! Lately, we’ve told him he can earn screen time after he’s been outside for awhile–playing basketball, jumping on the trampoline, shooting his bow.

5.    I’m building his confidence through physical activity. My son loves sports but doesn’t feel good at anything. Sports are competitive and often leave our boys feeling discouraged instead of built up. We are helping him pursue individual sports activities that build confidence (example: golf, swimming, archery)

6.    I’m educating him. I used to try and keep all the “bad stuff” away. When he asks why he can’t see a certain movie or play a violent game, I tell him. I’d rather be the one to explain our why’s then let him guess.

7.    I’m not pushing the girl thing. It’s not cute or funny for a young boy to be encouraged to have a girlfriend. I want my son to know we live in a culture with aggressive girls who will make it challenging to be pure and we want him to resist this pressure until he’s older.

8.    I am pushing guy friends, especially from church. I love that my church has a tween “youth group.” They meet weekly for Bible study and have monthly hangouts. This has really been a huge help for my son to connect with other boys like him.

9.    I’m not giving him his own phone and when I do, it will be heavily monitored. I am also not going to put a TV or gaming system in his bedroom. (Even though 2/3 of kids do!) Did you know 39% of all teens have engaged in sexting (either sending a nude/partially nude photo of themselves or a sexually suggestive text)?

10.    I’m being realistic. He’s a boy. He will be tempted. He will fail in one or more of these areas. We are learning together. We are also on the same side, fighting an enemy, together. I want my home to be full of grace and I when he messes up, I want to be there. “

Life is about learning and we will make mistakes as we mother our sons. I love what Vicki Courtney says in her book, Your Boy: Raising a Godly Son in an Ungodly World and this is my goal:

“The key is to be engaged in our sons’ lives, stay in constant communication with God, who knows them best; establish appropriate boundaries; and pray a hedge of protection around their hearts.”

And that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

(http://wearethatfamily.com/2013/02/raising-a-pure-son-in-a-sex-crazed-world/#sthash.R4GUjVGA.dpuf)

God bless,
Steve
Luke 18:1

Lunch And Language

Lunch And Language

Language can be a tricky thing in our school and church! This is from February 17, 2013.

We ate lunch together as we usually do after our Chinese services. It was simple and delicious and Lynn, one of the ladies, sent home leftovers with me, some egg rolls and a potatoes and vegetable dish. (Lynn always tells me she is praying for me to find a wife so in the meantime, she makes sure I don't go hungry!) We have an interesting mix; about five Chinese couples along with their Americanized children, a few single Chinese adults, a number of Asian young men from Westbury Christian School, and several natives from the United States. It's a good group, one I've been blessed to be part of for almost ten years. They are tolerant of us westerners!

I noticed something today as we ate. I sat at a table with five adults from China. They were discussing what to have for lunch next Sunday as there is the traditional celebrating of the Moon Festival. To be honest, I had no stake in the topic as it's not an American holiday and I'll love the food, no matter what. But something struck me as they talked. Although all of them have Mandarin as their native language, they were speaking English and there was only one reason they could possibly be speaking English..... and that was me. Without saying a word about it, they were including me. I would have understood- bad pun- if they spoke Chinese. After all, it's a big tradition for them and I know they want it to be nice dinner, especially as they are far away from home. (Two of the past three summers saw me spend the 4th of July in Beijing and Moscow so I can relate.) But out of kindness for me, they allowed me to listen in....and I was honored. Paul wrote about being all things to all men and I can't think of a better example of that concept. He also wrote of the stronger brother/weaker brother and there is no doubt which role I took this morning. Language can be tricky- I had two of my students tell me they are never quite sure whether to speak English or Spanish to strangers as they risk being offensive either way. This morning, it would have been more comfortable and easier for my Chinese sisters and brothers to speak the tongue they spoke as children but that would have left me on the outside, even though I sat in their midst. They could have but we are a family. And families just don't do that to each other.

Applicable quote of the day:

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
Mark Twain

Applicable quote of the day # 2:
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

God bless,
Steve
Luke 18:1

Hung Out To Dry

 Hung Out To Dry

I do some stupid stuff at times! This is from June 1, 2013. 

With school out and vacation at hand, I sat down and made a list of things I need to do before my two big events of the summer, our family reunion in Arkansas and my third mission trip to Can Tho, Vietnam. I'm not a big list maker- this will probably be the only one I construct this year. This one will get longer. I'm up to #32 but it probably will climb to 50-60 in the next several weeks. Number four on the list involved going to the dry cleaners. I own seven suits and only two had been cleaned in the past year, for Charlotte/Tyler's wedding which I performed and for a speaking engagement in St. Louis for the CFS Dinner. I bundled them up after checking for stains- there were several-  and deposited them at Ivory Cleaners (located at the corner of Beechnut and Hillcroft in SW Houston- two thumbs up!) I very neatly put them on hangers but as I soon as I turned them in, the nice lady threw all the jackets in one trash bag and all the pants in another after marking the stains with little pieces of red tape. The bill was $39.00, not bad for a years-plus worth of Sundays and special occasions. I picked them up on Thursday. (I have to admit I love watching those racks with all the shirts and pants and coats and whatever go around- I'm easily entertained!)

So now I've got seven cleaned and pressed suits hanging in my closet in that nice plastic wrap that they apply so perfectly. The problem is, I don't want to get them out of the wrapper and wear them. Then they'll get dirty and lose their creases and they won't be perfect anymore. If I keep them hung up, I won't have to go back to the Ivory Cleaners, even though they do a very nice job.  That's how we live our lives sometimes. When we get involved in other folks' lives and problems, it gets messy and sometimes the mess gets on us. In the past several days, I did something I'm uncomfortable doing but I did it for a friend and it was something that needed to be done. And, of course, when I was finished with my small level of involvement, I was glad I did and ashamed of myself for hesitancy. Like my suits, I need cleaning, both from the neglect of what I should be doing and the guilt of what I ought to abstain from but let myself be lured into. David's plea to the Lord after his sin with Bathsheba still hits home about several millennia: 
Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. 
(Psalm 51:10, KJV)
We need the cleaning, we need the renewing, and we will for the remainder of our days. We can't just stay wrapped up in plastic like my suits and besides, I'm pretty sure I'd still find a way to sin. And I wouldn't even have to add it to my list to get it accomplished. Good thing the Lord keeps no list of my wrongs; He'd be way past #32!

Applicable quote of the day:

“A hearty laugh gives one a dry cleaning, while a good cry is a wet wash”

Puzant Kevork Thomajan  God bless, Steve Luke 18:1

The Guy In The Middle Seat

 The Guy In The Middle Seat

You never know who you might meet on a plane! This is from March 16. 2017!

I’m sitting in the waiting room at my Honda dealer. We are on Spring Break and this was the first time I had to deal with the airbag recall notice I received last summer. It’s free but it will require several hours of sitting. At least there is coffee! I’m not a good sitter which is why flying is something I don’t really enjoy unless there are movies, not offered on Southwest Airlines domestic flights. Flying back and forth to and from Milwaukee thirteen days ago required four legs of travel with stops in Dallas and Denver meaning four sets of seat companions. Southwest’s policy of choosing your own seat based on check in time is a roll of the dice. Two of the four segments produced some thought provoking moments for me. Between Denver and Milwaukee, I sat with an engaged couple. The gentleman, who is from Greece, offered to share his meal with me, a complete stranger. They told me about their upcoming wedding and even wondered if I might be willing to come to Colorado to be the officiant as they were having trouble finding someone to perform the ceremony. I politely declined, citing basketball camps and preparations for my Vietnam mission trip. The guy, in his early thirties, basically told me his life story between bits of his dinner. His family had been wealthy but the economic crisis in recent years had caused his parents to take a severe financial hit. No longer could they totally underwrite his American education (he has several advanced degrees from prestigious US universities) and he was forced to fend for himself in large part. This is what I found fascinating. He told me he wished it had happened earlier, not the crippling of the Greek monetary system, but the shutting off of the financial tap from his folks. They had never made or even let him work. Even in the summers, they paid for his vacations all over the map. He told me that he found having to pay for his own stuff for the first time in his life liberating. And while he dearly loves his mother and father, he feels he was deprived of a tremendous human need, the need to work and handle money with responsibility. I can assure you; I never felt that same deprivation!

My new friend and I touched on other matters as well, particularly his parents’ desire that they wed in a church building in his homeland. But my overriding takeaway was the mature grasp he had of blessing in the midst of hardship, a viewpoint few in the world would share under the same circumstances. I got my hair cut this morning by a lady whose family fled Korea after the Conflict/War. She told me how important work is to her; how she feels she would be less accomplished if she were idle; how she still makes her lunch even though she is wealthy enough to buy it. She might be as patriotic an American as I know- she realizes what she left behind and how she has been blessed in the land in which I was born. And although both the lady barber and the soon to be groom are different in many ways, they share the common appreciation for work. Their experiences could scarcely be more different but they treasure that one mutual value which they arrived at from life in other nations and cultures. In looking at them, I am reminded of some things in my childhood. We weren't rich but I always knew I was loved; loved by my parents, loved by God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Loved by my extended family and the adults who I saw at worship and in school as well as on the court and baseball diamond. The value of love is something I've taken for granted as I've never lived without it. My parents gave us the gift of  absolute acceptance, coupled with boundaries and consequences.... but there was zero doubt we were loved to the maximum. Tragically, we live in a world starving for love. So many have never had the blessing of being adored in an earthly family or feeling adored by a Heavenly Father. If only they knew. If only I hadn't known. Don't keep it to yourself. It's the gift that multiplies.

Applicable quote of the day:
One might think that the money value of an invention constitutes its reward to the man who loves his work. But... I continue to find my greatest pleasure, and so my reward, in the work that precedes what the world calls success.
Thomas A. Edison

God bless,
Steve
Luke 18:1

Inaccessible

 

Inaccessible

I've made progress since I wrote this on June 9, 2013! 

I've just passed my three month anniversary of having a cell phone. If it were a marriage, I'd use the term celebrate my anniversary but so far, with this phone, there really has not been any cause for rejoicing and there is only one place to put the blame. You see, the thought was that when I had the modern phone, I would be more accessible. I was wrong. When I had my land line, I also had a little pre-paid cell that I very rarely used, typically only when I went out of town in case there were emergencies, which there never were. Usually, I didn't even know where it was. I did all my calling on my regular phone. I'd check messages on it everyday when I'd arrive home from work. It was never unplugged and always rang faithfully when someone wanted my attention. Many people knew the number and it had my father's voice on the answering machine. But, I thought I could get a better deal and it was time to join the modern era so I willingly made the switch.

You know, old habits die hard. I rarely turned my pre-paid cell on and I never took it with me and it's carried over. I'll go two or three days without even turning on my AT+T LG phone. Not many folks know my number which thankfully also appears to apply to the unwanted solicitations! Truthfully, I'm kind of scared of this phone. When I got it back in March, I had my teacher's aide, the awesome Megan Hill, transfer the contact list from the pre-paid to my new cell because I didn't know how.....and still don't. I'm shaky on checking for messages, anyway, so unless I've got it turned on and in my hearing distance when there is a call, there's a 50-50 chance I'll miss whoever is trying to get in touch. I'm not saying I'm hopeless- there are plenty of folks who have offered to help me navigate these uncharted waters- but it probably is going to be painfully slow.

To be honest, I don't want to be like so many people I see who are riveted to their phones to the point I might use the term enslaved. I see it with our students- when the 3:25 PM bell rings, 95% of the high school kids get out their cells and check them. On the other hand, I don't need to isolate myself from the world. Just think; what if God shut down and didn't listen to our prayers for days at a time? Look what David penned about his pleas to the Father:
As for me, I call to God,
    and the Lord saves me.
 Evening, morning and noon
    I cry out in distress,
    and he hears my voice. (Psalm 55:16-17)

What a blessing that the One in Heaven always is available. If He took a vacation, the universe would crumble and we would perish in its destruction. But if we are faithful, He promises to hear AND answer. And, I'm fairly certain He knew my number even before I did. (Well, that's a bad example because I have to look it up.) We sang an old standard tonight in our worship. The second verse still goes like this:
There's not an hour that He is not near us;
No, not one. No, not one.
No night so dark but His love can cheer us;
No, not one. No, not one.
His line is open as it always has been. Just in case you might call, I think I'll turn mine on!

Applicable quote of the day:

"People are very protective of their cell phones- how it's used, where it's used and how much it costs. It has become a very personal issue for a whole lot of people in this country."

Steve Largent

God bless,
Steve
Luke 18:1