Tuesday, July 16, 2019

Losing Sleep (Trina Agee Cornell)


Good evening! For the next 21 days, I will be on a mission trip to Vietnam. During that time, I will have new blogs each night from guest authors! (Also, on many nights, I will post pictures from my trip here!) For the next 26 evenings, my spot will be filled by my dear sister in Christ, Trina Agee Cornell! Trina and I went through many mission trips together and I have been a guest in Trina's and her husband, Bob's home. Please keep me in your prayers!


Question #98
I spent an afternoon at Barnes and Noble a few months ago – this is a place where I could spend hours upon
hours. As a reading specialist by trade – and a reader by nature – it makes sense. On this particular trip, I
found a book, tucked away with the journals in their display, called 3,000 Questions About Me. I opened it
and started thumbing through – and I have to admit, I was quite intrigued. I started looking through the
questions, thinking about what my responses would be. I knew I just had to get it – the book sat at my house
for a month, collecting dust. I finally pulled it out and decided to answer one page of questions a day. 3,000
questions can be overwhelming – but how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time! As I answer my page
of questions each day, I read the question – and I put what immediately comes to mind. I do not overthink
them – I answer them honestly and openly. My series of blog posts will focus on certain questions that I
believe get to the core of who I am – as a wife, mother, and a child of God.

98. What makes you lose sleep?
Worry. Worry made me lose sleep. I laid awake at night, thinking about what did not go right – what went
right – and all that I need to do for the next day. A million thoughts ran through my mind – at a mile a minute
– and I struggle to slow it down. I have been somewhat of a perfectionist for as long as I can remember – my
type-A personality at its finest. I wanted to make sure things were done – and done the right way. I wanted to
make sure I had all of my “ducks in a row”, everything organized and ready for the next day. When something
did not get accomplished – or I made some sort of mistake – I felt guilt and shame. I held it against myself –
and made myself feel bad about it. I knew I needed something different – I knew I needed to change, but I did
not know how. I had been this way for so long – could I think differently? Could I move past this somehow –
and truly live the life I was called to live?
I am a work in progress – I started working with a friend of mine in January of this year, because I was tired. I
was tired of holding it all together – thinking the way I was thinking – and behaving the way I was behaving. I
knew things could be different – but I did not know how to get there. This process has challenged me in ways I
never imagined – forced me to look inward at myself – and caused me to make a number of positive changes
in my life. I have come a long way since I started – but I still have quite a ways to go. I am finally stepping into
the woman the Lord always intended for me to be – the wife and mother He has called me to be.
In Paul’s letter to the Ephesian church, he reminds them, “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus
for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” (2:10). We are all created in
His image – each day that we live, the Lord molds and shapes us into the people He has prepared for us to be.
Months ago, I did not realize that I was in a slump – I had certain patterns I followed that were no longer
working for me. They were affecting my relationships and my self-esteem – and I needed something different. The Lord put me in position to ask for this help – and it has, and continues to, change me for the better.

God bless,
Steve
Luke 18:1

E-mail me at shawley@westburychristian.org

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