One day, on a day that new Jordans were out, a shy girl was walking in the mall, making her way to the food court. On her way, she crossed in front of a shoe store and was stampeded by a group of shoppers going in. She was left on the floor and blacked out. A guy walked by who wanted the new shoes but didn’t have the money- he bent down, searched through her purse, and stole her credit card. Then her mom walked by with some of her old people friends. The mother just ignored her because there was a BOGO sale at Dillard’s. Then Michael Jordan (of all people!) passed by, arriving for an autograph signing. As he walked by and saw her, MJ helped her up. He knew that someone must have took something out of her bag so he handed her a few hundred dollar bills and signed her purse.
One day at school. a little boy had just gotten his food from the lunch line. Out of nowhere, someone trips him. All his food scatters across the floor and he hits his elbow on the ground. The boy who tripped him steals his lunch money and walks away. A teacher passes by; he looks at the little boy and says, “I don’t want to get dirty” and keeps going. The nicest girl in school walks by and says, “I don’t know you,” and never stops. Finally, a girl who was shy and no one ever talked to came by. She helped him clean up his food and took him to the nurse. When they finished at the nurse's office, they started talking and became best friends.
One day, a boy was at the beach swimming. The boy stubbed his toe on a coral reef and went underwater to check his foot. After he saw his foot was fine, he tried to swim back to the surface, but he couldn't make it. The boy called for help for minutes- he was about to drown! A member of the chess club heard his screaming and was going to go help him, but remembered he couldn't swim and didn’t want to die. He ignored the boy. There was a lifeguard who saw the drowning boy. She just sat in her chair and dreamed about saving him. Then, a jock and his crew were playing football on the shore. The jock saw the kid and was going to help him before one of his crew members stopped him and asked, “You're going to go help that loser? You might as well let him die.” The jock replied, “The only losers I see are you guys.” Then he jumped in the water and brought the boy ashore. He pushed on his stomach for at least five minutes, until suddenly water flew out the boy’s mountain like a fountain and he woke up. The boy and the jock became best friends forever.
P.S. The Chess Club kid never won another chess match. The lifeguard’s boyfriend broke up with her and she never got another boyfriend again. The jock’s crew went swimming and got eaten by sharks.
One day there was a very famous pop music festival, where Katy Perry and Taylor Swift were scheduled to perform. When walking into the Staples Center, a Swiftie fell and twisted her ankle and couldn't get up. The first person to walk by was also a huge Taylor Swift fan who thought, “That was the chick who took my parking space!" The fan kept walking. Next, the girl with a twisted ankle saw her best friend. The best friend remembered how she saw her kissing her ex under the bleachers at school on Tuesday and kept going. Then a Katy Perry fan came up and saw the Taylor Swift t-shirt but still called an ambulance so she could get help.
2 weeks later…The two are very best friends and accept each other's interest even if one of them thinks Katy Perry is a lame-faced loser and that Taylor Swift goes through boys like cheese goes through a cheese grater.
Applicable quote of the day:
" Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity."
E-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org